Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tyrone D Munson #35616
PO Box 351
Waupun , Wi 53963
I too was a Juvenile, first time offender who before my crime took place was not in trouble with the law. Never been to juve, did not even have a violent history. Got sentenced to 290 years in prison when I was 17 years old. At the mental age of a 12 year old. My crime was not a reflection of my daily living. But was a result of the many unresolved childhood issues I never had a chance to properly release. In turn I violently raped a women. Which in turn did not feed anything other than the hate, bitterness, anger, pain, and me being raped. Not only of my childhood innocents, but my ability to properly express what was taking place as a child. There will never be a right justification to what I've done. But I can say my actions now reflect that of a different person. From a boy to a man. The reality of this situation is even in prison. I still battle this hierarchy of what crime is the worst crime to commit.
You couldn't have told me that I would be in prison for sexual assault. Not only because I knew it was wrong but it was not socially acceptable in my community. Neither is it in prison, which I still can't understand how can one shun a rapist, but accept a murderer. That always puzzled me. For the simple fact both crimes you have taken the security away from that person. Except in a murder that person doesn't have to feel it. It will be the family who feels it so to me both are equally wrong. All in all unfortunately I have this jacket, and I have to wear it so I might-as-well speak out about it. The harsh reality is a lot of young as well as older men is coming to prison for rape. But many of them never get treatment. Most still deny it only because again it is socially "not cool"!
Yes I am ashamed of the things I've done but I refuse to continue to make it about me. I did the crime, and society wants me to do forever for what I did as a child. I truly believe that I can be of some assist-ance to come to understanding the why behind the will to do something so horrendous. I want to share my story in the hopes of enlightment. Not saying people won’t still have there opinions. However it will give one a pen point.
Written by: Echo DeVon (Tyrone D. Munson)
Congratulations, you graduated/ but no one will call your name. No there will be no roll call. "There will Be no acceptance speech!" You did not make the deans list. You just simply graduated. Sad though, no mother, no father, no sister, or no brother. No one to cheer your name, what for? No one came to honor you, Congratulations, for your Graduation.
"Who do you think you are?"
To receive such a prestigious award. You only survived a house hold of trauma. There is no blue ribbon because your father left you at an early age. You don't get a courageous of the year award trophy, because you survived the family secret, and your mother's shame. That at the hands of someone you trusted. They did awful things to you. "Ha" you think it noble, there is no B.A./ there is no Master's Degree.
No your degrees are third degree burns, that run from your face to your torso. From hot greases being thrown on you because your mother say; every time she looks at you she sees your father. A mathematician, never saw that in your future. Besides, you are too damn stupid for that, at least this is what everyone is telling you. Do you want to be a mathematician? Well solve this problem. One mother on crack, plus a father who is not even a part of your life which really is a minus. Divided by drugs, alcohol, and dropping out of school. Equals committing a crime, ending up in prison, or dead.
Yeah "Congratulations" as you look into the mirror. You have come to hate him that stares back at you. Because now you believe everything people said about you. You're ugly, you will never amount to anything, and that you were a mistake. No you shouldn't have low self-esteem. Suck it up, didn't they tell you real men aren't suppose to cry. But this boy who is only 11 years old says to himself, I am not a man. Though indeed he is a man, however the only thing he can remember was when he was this boy. Now at the age of 33 he is still stuck at 11.
Congratulations on your Graduation.
For this time you have made a stand, from being powerless to powerful. You are honored for your silent courage. You are praised for your resilience. Not backing down from when life smacked you around. Congratulations because you Graduated from a school that had no dreams, the teachers have all failed you but you'passed- Not because of some book that told you this. Or you telt that you needed validation from someone else. Not even some papers acknowledging mere accomplishments, not even this seem to suffice.
No Congratulations you Graduated, because you chose not to stay in a box, you did not make excuses. You chose not to allow your past to say who you are in the present. So I think I should Congratulate you on your Graduation, there is no need for a cap and gown, please be proud of who you've become. Hold your head up and stand tall, yeah that's it now smile for the camera. You made it. Not how others think you should have but you made it......"Congratulations on your Graduation......
This is for anyone who have went through anything in your life. I want you to understand that you have graduated from a school of life. If you are in your right mind. I think you should be proud of yourself. Not for the many bad things that happen to you, but for making it this far. It counts for something Congratulations.
(The new Reality)
I was born out of my mother's womb, on January 26, 1980.
Shortly thereafter, I was adopted by a different family. This was a family of a different race, a family of a whole different creed. This new family I was adopted by, treats me worse than a red headed step child(as they would say).
Our parents never reward us for the many tries. We are always punished though if we do wrong. My brother's,(All boys because this family has no girls)are all different in many ways. We all come from the same mother of bad choices and wrong decisions. We rarely talk about mother, because sometimes it seems to painful to face. If we do talk about mother, it tends to have a negative effect on us. Leaving us angry, bitter, sad, and depressed. Mainly because, if we had listened to our real parents, We wouldn't have to face the ugly truths of our other mother. Bad choices and wrong decisions.
What can I say, my family is so dysfunctional. On top of this we all have major issues, some of my brother's are killers. many of my brothers sold drugs, a lot of them raped women, robbed there own birth mothers, smoked dope, drinked liquor and stole things."You name it we did it"! Like I said we all are alike in some ways. We all have taken something. We all have stole something or something have been stolen from us. Any way it goes we are here, The sad part about is, alot of us did not have our birth fathers. So now we are forced into a situation where we have to listen to our new parents.
There names are Mr. and Mrs. Correctional Officer.
We have to listen to everything they say. If not, we will be punished. Or they will send us to our uncle's and aunt's house. There names are the white Shirt family. Mr. and Mrs. Captain, or Lieutenant. Last and surely least, we have the grand of daddies. The Warden, he doesn't do anything but hand out orders. To be honest I dislike this family. But the truth is, without them as a whole. Everyone, I wouldn't have seen my worth. Because of my brother's(some of them)and there unwillingness to change. It gives me all the more hope to change. Because I refuse to remain the same. Because of the Go's/White Shirt's and the Warden. I strive even harder, they propel me to become a better man. Because honestly they don't give a care if I do or not.
Like I said this whole family is dysfunctional. Everybody has there issues, but your best bet is to work on them while you can. Because there is so much hatred in this family, they will kick you out of the house(prison)
with nothing, no tool's to utilize on the street's. So use this opportunity to get better. Then you will get
out and be with the ones who really loves you.. If not......Just as I am, you will be a part of this
family until to die. Unless by the power of God something changes....... THINK ABOUT IT.
Why should I cry didn't nobody hurt me.When my father died.I didn't feel that he deserted me.There is no way I could shed any tears,for seeing my mother being abused and using drugs for many years.Waking up in the middle of the night wishing tne pain would go away.Praying that someone could help us,I begin to feel like a through away.My feelings wasn't hurt,when others treated me like dirt.Wearing my heart on my sleeve leaving it exposed,so it was easy to make me bleed.In agony a child was conceived,but at that moment I only cried to breath.Besides I was always told ,that real men don't suppose to cry. Suck it up,keep going,hold it all inside. This crazy part for me though I was just a kid. Who suffered a great deal of misfortune at the hands of what my parents did.
"Shut up boy" for I give you something to cry for.Would be the words I hear after getting beat with extension cords.As welts appeared on my body,I begin to question what to live for.l want to cry out but I'm afraid because I don't want to lose my inner pride.Crying makes me soft,and 1 always want to appear strong.I don't want anyone to know that deep down inside I'm fighting to hold on.I love my daughter so much.That at night I cry myself to sleep.But I will not tell anyone, then you'll think I'm weak.Sentence a teenager to life in prison he won't even feel it. He didn't feel the pain he caused,he just kept on living.
Should I cry if a person die I really cared about? For all the tears I held in for years man just let it out! I'm tired of hurting can there just be one day I can go and feel relief? Or will I be forever haunted for the life I lived on the streets,As I touched my face a stream of water begin to run down my cheek. In my mind I've crossed that line hoping no one can see me.When I look back on everything in my life, I started to notice a lie.The lie was this,what I truly missed."Real men are not afraid to cry!"By: Echo Devon.
Product Of Environment
An adolescent bombarded by the disposition of his environmental control.A absentee father so in dissipation he spirals out of control. A transference from the umbilical cord.The child consumes in the womb what the mother experience in life.From love, hate, fear, drugs, or abuse of alcohol. To violence, depression, bitterness, or rage the fetus can feel it all.
When the child is conceived how precious is he, a new addition, to a broken family. But little do he know, that before he even grow he has been infected with an unstable mentality. So when the time comes for him to transform, that boy into a man. The stifling of his emotions kill any chance that he will have in life to ever advance. Not fully understanding this metamorphosis, he immediately internalize. That which his mother embodied the negative forces, hate, fear and constant lies.
The father isn't there to cultivate, or properly inform this man-child. So the things he is now experiencing is self-destruction in
form of acting out. Frora unsafe sex, selling drugs, smoking weed drinking and staying out all night. To robbing people, having shoot outs, even organizing neighborhood gang fights. The list can go on, because the true identity of this man child has been stripped away.
Self-hatred, low self-esteem, no self-concept or structure to build a foundation. So the school of the streets taught him selfishness, self preservation, get what you can get by all means, even if that meant by annihilation.What a devastation, for a man-child to be lags than what God created. Not because he chose this road, but it is evident that past mistakes made it.
No wonder he grows to kill, lie, rob, rape, commit suicide, or end up behind bars. Because there was no way he could escape, it was
already injected into his heart. The only way this cycle can be broke is going back to where it was birth. Then replacing the falsehood that was taugnt. With the truth to his already damaged self-worth. Acceptance is essential, but forgiveness is key. To unlocking the mystery, a lost product of society.,...
BY: Tyrone Munson
B.K.A Echo Devon
As I stare at these walls,painted in this cell.I can’t help but to realize to them I've failed.They look back at me,as if I am gum on the bottom of there shoe's.With judgmental eye's they say “I’m better than you!" If I pay close attention I sometimes hear them speak,some with a respectful tone. Yet others yell at me.If history tells me anything this is nothing new. Because the white walls that surrounds me,surrounded ray ancestor's too.The only color I really see,is those in the color green just like me.I also see the color blue but they're is a contrast between me and you.
Because of my failures I've been sent away to be stock in a prison.At least thirty thousand dollars for my existence is what
your bidding.Racism & reality goes hand in hand,am I a racist because I despise the abuse of authority from a white man? Oh you
thought these white walls I speak of was literal? When in all actuality this message is not subliminal.I've been taken away from family,and brought to another land.Where white is dominate;from the t.v. shows to the white Co's,the nurses,and psychologist,even
those who do parol.
Everything I do is considered a gang,if I make one mistake the
walls say's "He'll never change."I'm considered to be manipulative
because I posses social skills.If I look at these walls for to long
they tell me how I should feel.I miss black women with there attitude,and curvaceous temple.The way they love and care for me,these attributes very instrumental.I have now developed a liken for white women.But there is a rule,don't look to hard and don't touch.This rule goes against natural law because I1^ a man who respect and like all women so much.
My assertiveness is considered aggressive,if I'm passionate then I
must be mad.When they don't understand me they write antisocial, depressed or sad.Everytime I wake up,I'm reminded of my life on pause. All because I'm en-trapped in the midst of these "White Walls"........
By Echo Tyrone Devon
A detriment of my pride has commence to take shape.
A deformity in my character perpetuate a masquerade
so I'm faking. Trying to be some one I really cant be,
an adolescent in adult shoes. Failing to articulate this concept of self-hate so I choose. To be a fool and drop out of school, and conform to society stereo-types.
Instead of pursuing an edumication I pick up a dope sack,
or check, check mic. There is more to my plight in life,
but I assimilate to what's being taught. Because the truth
of my identity is like a fiction novel that can ba brought.
Who am I?" No the question is who I am not? I am not your
average Joe. I have the full capacity to think, speak and live like a palm tree so I grow. I feel, I cry, I laugh, I'm shy. I learn from a lie, I love so I sigh….
I empathize with emotional muscles that I have learned to exercise. So this detriment that 1 speak of is no longer an issue, Like one big tissue I have become a gentle man soft to the core. Now when you see me,you don't, see this peter-pan
anymore. Although I am still flawed, in my humanistic capabilities. I accept the man I've become , but I embrace this
boy inside of me..
D.B.I. (DEATH BY INCARCERATION)
You have heard the saying, "Life in prison without the possibility of Parole".This is an incorrect way of saying it.No, the proper term to use is "Death in prison without the possibility of reaching your goals.”
When you speak of life,I see it a whole lot differently then most.Life consist of hope, freedom, space , joy, fullfillment,and satisfaction.These are the things of life. Life opens up doors, opportunity,you are able to be someone.There is a chance in life,although restricted there is no restrictions.Again opportunity to be whatever you want to be,having that chance.To have an investment in your natural abilities,your God giving talents.
When I speak of life what also comes to mind is freedom.In life you have a freedom,freedom to express yourself without any consequence. Freedom is to live how you choose to live.Not a freedom to do whatever you want to do no matter who gets hurt.But a freedom to be in love with someone,to really care if they are hurting.This freedom is not stifled by rules that utterly disregard the human physics.Where the natural senses are controlled by unnatural senseless people. With a new respect you are able to taste what is good.To enjoy the flavors of what life has to offer.
To smell,that which smell good to the central of your nerve system.To touch the very essence of what this freedom is all about,Life.Whether it be a plant,a dream,a new born baby,a beautiful women,or whatever it maybe.To hear a song,a word of encouragement.A simple I love you,or what about children playing outside,the sound of her heart beat as you both lay together.Yes this is life,to see those things which at one point you were blinded to.Love,respect family,marriage,to care,to have compassion,and understanding.
This is freedom,this is what life is all about,But where I'm at is death.I received death in prison.To live under the dictates of those who doesn't even believe in my life concept.Those whom are so caught up in trying to prove that I am the criminal,that they,themselves have failed to see there own criminal mental and emotional behaviors.Death in prison,there is no enjoyment watching second by second,minute by minute,hour by hour,day by day,week by week,month by month,and year by year going by and you can’t help but think,"I'm" dying.My dreams of ever being what I wanted to be is slowly wasting away.
This is a superficial reality,what seems to be never is.You have no more chances,you cant go to the beach,you cant watch movies with your family.You know the little things,there is no dream job here.In all actuality you no longer live.You just merely exists.So there really is no such thing as life in prison.There is however death.Death of your hopes,death of your dreams,even the harsh reality of losing family members.This is not living,although you may have to settle or some how condition your mind for acceptance.This is not living! do not have life in prison,no I have death by incarceration.
You strip me from my freedom,I admit I've did some wrongs.But why are you trying to keep me,away from home for way to long? If I accentu¬ate my culture,you misjudge me for being in a gang! But you are a part of a "union" an "institution" that's all the same.I maintain a positive mind frame,but in your brain I'm still the same.Just because you are stagnated in your growth,doesn't mean that I cant change.
How dare you define your morality,by the position you hold over me. Looking down at me with a frown,but seriously you're worse than me.I've committed crimes to get me here,but now I digress from such behaviors.On the other hand,you back hand your children and noisy neighbor’s.On a drunken tantrum,you mentally destroy whomever they want to be.By callin them fat,cunt,ugly,or stupid!You have no right to keep on judging me.
After 400 years,we are still in the same boat,no buses are used to transport.Teenager's ranging from 12-thru-18,giving death sentences,in a all white mans court.Sent to prison,the new plantation,to work for meaningless wages.All while keeping us locked down in cell's smaller than little dog cages.The department of corrections,no let me correct you.There is no correction in prison.More like the death of connections or destitute of colored men.How about the destruction of our children.
I admit there are men who still belong in prison.Because they fail to realize the prison within them.But there are some whom you locked up as kids,we have long since recompensed for the things that we've did. Society if you hear me,please don't be ignorant to the facts,that concealed behind these prison walls are many people who want to give back...